


the world is not enough (i want your brutal truth)

by sourcheeks



Category: The Matrix (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Autistic Neo, F/M, Nonbinary Character, Recreational Drug Use, Shotgunning, Trans Female Character, Trans Male Character, why is there no autistic character tag. it's only canon autistic character.
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-11
Updated: 2020-09-16
Packaged: 2021-03-06 14:13:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,726
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26400190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sourcheeks/pseuds/sourcheeks
Summary: Trinity smiled at him, and there was no reason to be intimidated - she'd been nice, given him a button, complimented his name.(No one had ever complimented Neo's name before. Most people either humored him about it or just kept calling him Thomas.)
Relationships: Thomas Anderson | Neo/Trinity
Comments: 2
Kudos: 27





	1. Chapter 1

The girl was watching him again. 

She was pretty in the kind of way that scared Neo, and while even he could realize she liked him, he didn't want to open his mouth and ruin whatever illusion of being cool and desirable he'd managed to cultivate. So he just smiled at her, and she smiled back. 

Neo knew that the girl was a she, because she had a button on her jacket that said 'she/her.' Until he noticed it, he probably wouldn't have thought twice about arbitrarily calling her 'she' anyways. He felt bad about that in a way he didn't truly understand. 

But she was watching him, and she was smiling at him, and she was _flirting_ with him, go talk to her, you idiot. Neo took a deep breath and, instead of making his usual beeline for the dorm rooms, he sat down near the girl in the student union. 

"You keep staring at me." Not how he had meant to start. "I mean, uh-"

She laughed. "Yeah. I do. Is that okay?"

"Yeah." Neo nodded. "Yeah, that's okay." He wound the strap of his satchel around his hand anxiously. "I'm Neo."

"I've never met a Neo before." She smiled, and Neo felt a strange sense of pride. "I'm Trinity."

Neo had a bunch of half formed pickup lines about her name on the tip of his tongue, but he wasn't confident enough to say any of them. "Um, I like your button." He tapped his own hoodie to indicate the placement of Trinity's 'she/her' button. 

"Thanks! I have a bunch, if you want one."

He laughed a little. "What, you just carry them around?"

Apparently she did just carry them around. She gave Neo a Ziploc bag full of pins, and he opened it, rifling through. Some of the pins had solid color backgrounds, and some had striped patterns that Neo didn't recognize but were probably significant. He found pins with 'he' and 'she' and 'they,' but also with stuff he'd never seen before, stuff like 'xe' or 'hir' and Neo had questions but he didn't want to look like an idiot, so he just took a 'he/him' pin and stuck it to his hoodie. "Thanks."

Trinity smiled at him, and there was no reason to be intimidated - she'd been nice, given him a button, complimented his name. 

(No one had ever complimented Neo's name before. Most people either humored him about it or just kept calling him Thomas.)

Still, Neo had the most amazing habit of messing up when he talked to anyone, but especially cute girls, so he was still a little intimidated. He rubbed his sweaty palms on his jeans. "So, uh, why have you been watching me?"

He didn't know what he was expecting. Probably something generic about his looks. Neo had been told he was very handsome when he cleaned up. But instead, Trinity said "Why do you try to stop people from watching you?"

Neo paused. "What?"

"You're an easy guy to notice, Neo." Trinity chuckled. "So why do you spend all your time being as small as possible?"

Neo didn't have an answer for that. And he couldn't deny it, because the worst part was that it was true. 

"You don't have to tell me now." Trinity tore a sheet of paper out of her binder and wrote something on it, handing it to Neo. "But maybe you can tell me later."

Neo just nodded dumbly as he watched her go. 

* * *

_trinity#0472 has accepted your friend request_. 

Texting. Neo was good at texting. Everything came out better, he didn't stutter or change course midway through a sentence. Over text, one could even be forgiven for thinking Neo was charming. 

He stared down the Discord screen for a while, thinking about what to say. 

**_neo:_ ** _when no one notices you, no one cares that you aren't normal_

 **_trinity:_ ** _that's no way to live, neo._

Neo's fingers paused over his keyboard. There was no reason for the message to affect him like it did, but he left like he'd been punched in the gut. 

**_neo:_ ** _yeah, well. getting noticed is no way to die, either_

He closed his laptop, leaning back and rubbing his sore eyes. He was saying too much. Another perk of texting: when Neo fucked up, he could just close the chat and pretend it wasn't happening.

When he'd mostly recovered from the embarrassment of being so open, he grabbed his phone to check his messages with Trinity. 

**_trinity:_ ** _sounds like you could use a friend_

 **_neo:_ ** _you offering?_

 **_trinity:_ ** _you should come to a gsa meeting. i think everyone will like you._

Neo closed the chat to Google 'GSA.'

**_neo:_ ** _i'm not gay_

 **_trinity:_ ** _never said you were_

 **_trinity:_ ** _come on. afraid you might have fun for once?_

 **_neo:_ ** _i have fun. i have fun all the time._

 **_trinity:_ ** _if you won't come to a meeting, you should come drinking with me and morpheus_

"What the hell kind of name is Morpheus?" Neo wondered out loud, then felt bad, because people had asked him the same thing. 

**_neo:_ ** _fine. but i'm gonna complain the whole time._


	2. Chapter 2

Neo felt very underdressed. Trinity was wearing a tight leather dress that made him really want to stare even though he didn't, and her friend Morpheus was wearing a long leather duster and sunglasses even though it was already dark out. They both looked like they belonged here.

"Do you ever take this thing off?" Trinity toyed with Neo's hoodie string. 

He laughed nervously. "Ah… not really. I mean - I wash it, and stuff." It was the only thing he felt comfortable in. All his t-shirts were too tight, and button ups rubbed his neck uncomfortably. 

"Morpheus, this is Neo." Trinity gestured between them. Morpheus shook Neo's hand. 

"Trinity has told me about you." 

"She has?" Neo was surprised. He didn't exactly think he was the kind of guy you told all your friends about. 

"Sure. She says you're smart."

Neo frowned. "How-"

"I can hear you in class, you know." Trinity smirked. "You know more than you let on."

"Well." Neo tried to sound aloof. "Can't go around telling everyone everything."

Trinity and Morpheus exchanged an amused look. Trinity grabbed his hand. "Come on. Let's get something to drink."

Neo was drunk. He didn't usually get this drunk. Felt pathetic to get drunk alone. 

But he wasn't alone. Trinity and Morpheus were there. Morpheus was making some kind of joke about throwing a computer into a lake to avoid the FBI. 

"No, no." Neo giggled. "You can't do that."

Morpheus laughed. "What, should you just never do anything to piss the FBI off in the first place?"

Neo finished the last of his drink, something cold and fruity that didn't seem alcoholic until he'd already had three of them. "Man, fuck the FBI!"

Trinity and Morpheus laughed, but they weren't laughing at him. It was nice. 

"What you have to do." Neo mimed pulling at something like the gesture would be obvious. "Take out the hard drive and toss it in the microwave. You can recover waterlogged electronics." He grinned. "Can't recover a hunk of melted metal."

Morpheus laughed and clapped Neo on the shoulder. "I  _ love _ your friend," he told Trinity. 

"He's great." Trinity's hand was on Neo's thigh under the table. Neo felt his cheeks getting hot and decided he would blame it on the alcohol. 

"Do you know a lot about computers?" Trinity asked. 

Neo smiled sheepishly. "I'm better with computers than with people, yeah." 

"Mouse will love him." Trinity smiled at Morpheus.

"Do, uh, do all your friends have names like that?" he asked. 

Morpheus chuckled. "You're one to talk, Neo."

"No, no, I think it's cool! I…" He had to pause for a second to collect his head. He should probably slow down on the alcohol. "Most people, you know, make fun of my name. Or they just call me-" Suddenly, Neo realized he didn't want Trinity and Morpheus to know his real name. "They just call me by my birth name."

"Well. I think Neo suits you." Trinity's hand was on his chest now and she was kissing Neo's cheek and oh, god, what was he supposed to do again? Trinity was practically in his lap. He put his hands on her waist. 

"Should I leave you two alone?" Morpheus joked. 

Neo remembered he was there with a jolt of embarrassed guilt. "Oh, sorry, uh-"

"Lighten up, Morpheus," Trinity replied for both of them. She shifted off of Neo's thigh, but stayed pressed up against his side. 

"Mhm. Why don't you two go dance? I'll get the next round."

"I don't know how to dance," Neo protested as Trinity grabbed his hand and pulled him from the booth. 

"Neither do I!" She laughed, tossing her arms around his shoulders. 

It almost reminded Neo of the awkward slow dance he'd shared with a girl who he didn't particularly like him at his freshman formal, except Trinity actually did seem to like him, and she was also much, much, closer. 

"You should take this!" Neo didn't know from where exactly Trinity had produced the dimebag, but she tipped out the two tablets inside and offered one up to Neo. 

"What is it?" Neo squinted at the little tablet. It almost looked like medicine, except where there was normally a serial number stamped into a medicine tablet, this one just had a question mark. 

"Ecstasy. You don't have to."

Neo wanted to, would have wanted to even if it hadn't been Trinity who was offering. He was so far out of his element here, but surprised himself by not caring. By wanting to do as much as he could get away with. He bent down and closed his lips over her fingers, taking the tablet between his teeth, making Trinity laugh. 

It was hard to notice at first, the warm brain fog from the booze blending into the warm brain fog of the drug. It wasn't like Neo had always thought, where you took something and all of a sudden you were high. Was he high? He was definitely warm. And everything was a little blurry, streaking together in the club lights. He focused on Trinity. 

"I really wanna kiss you," he yelled over the music. 

Trinity took his face in her hands. "I thought you would never ask." 

Neo leaned down, and he kissed her. 


	3. Chapter 3

Neo was always quiet in his philosophy classes. He wrote for them, sure. Wrote papers twice as long as the assigned page count, had a head full of scrambled thoughts all day after class. But he rarely engaged with the group discussion. 

Trinity talked, though. Sounded almost like a professor when she did. 

"If we can only ever experience the subjective, we have no reason to believe the objective even exists." Trinity turned in her seat. "Right, Neo?"

Neo froze, stuttering. People were looking at him. He cleared his throat, nodding. "Well… yes and no. It's true that we can only experience the subjective world. So, an argument could be made that it doesn't really matter if there is an objective world." He paused, but an approving nod from the professor made him keep going. "Uh, there's an old saying that there's three sides to every story - your side, my side, and the truth. But it's lacking, I think. Everyone's side of the story is their own subjective truth. Even when people know they're lying, sometimes they can trick themselves into thinking that they're right. So, Kant could be right. Maybe there are two worlds - the real world, and the world as we see it. But if we can never know the real world, if there even is a real world to know, it seems useless to try and learn the objective truth when you could instead try to learn the subjective truth of others."

It was the most Neo had ever spoken in front of a group since high school. He kind of felt like puking. His hands were shaking. God, what was wrong with him?

"Hey." Trinity grabbed his elbow in the corridor. "You did really great. Even though you were nervous."

So it had been obvious. "Why'd you ask me to talk?"

Trinity frowned. "I wanted to know what you had to say."

That was new too. Someone actually caring about what Neo had to say. 

"Well." Neo shrugged. "I'm glad you thought I did well."

"Like I said, Neo. You're a smart guy." 

"You're really smart too." Neo hugged his textbook to his chest, feeling unreasonably nervous. Trinity was his friend, he reminded himself. "Um, I had fun. Friday night."

Trinity grinned. "Oh, yeah! How was the comedown?"

Neo had never done MDMA before. He'd never done most things before. It had been intense. He was actually glad most of his memory of the night was a pleasant blur. He'd definitely done something embarrassing. "It wasn't that bad. I threw up a little."

"Yeah. That happens." Trinity nodded. "Do you wanna go out again sometime soon?"

Neo laughed nervously. "Oh, uh, I don't know if I have the stamina to go clubbing again-"

"No, no," Trinity reassured. "I want you to meet my friends."

Well. Be rude to say no. "Yeah, okay."

"Great." Trinity, sober as anything, kissed Neo's jaw. 

Neo watched her walk away, nervously rubbing the spot where she'd kissed. His fingers came away with lipstick. 

There were so many people in Trinity's apartment. 

Well, okay. There are seven people, excluding Neo. But that was still seven more people than Neo was used to being around. Trinity fired off introductions so quickly that Neo mostly just had a list of names only vaguely related to faces, then said "Guys, this is Neo."

One of the boys, a scrawny kid who looked like he was still in high school, grinned. "Your new boyfriend?"

Neo felt his ears turning pink. "We're, um-"

"Not really doing labels," Trinity finished for him, sitting down and patting the spot next to her on the couch. It was a tight squeeze, but Neo found he didn't mind when she put an arm around his waist. 

"Watch out for her," one of the other boys joked. "She'll eat you alive."

Trinity chuckled. "Neo's more of a third date kind of guy." She squeezed his thigh. 

Neo was not a "third date" guy. He had never had a third date. He barely managed first dates, and second dates only occasionally. 

Was this a second date?

The initial excitement of a new figure died down and Neo could just watch all of Trinity's friends talk. He tried to focus on the conversation, just in case someone asked him something, but he wasn't paying enough attention, apparently, because he was surprised when one of them pushed a glass bong at him. 

Neo stared at the bong, feeling stupid. "I, uh… don't know how."

"Here." Trinity took it. "Watch me."

That was an easy command. Neo watched her, making note of the motions of her hands. Then Trinity was kissing him, exhaling smoke into his mouth. Neo inhaled, trying to seem like he'd done this before. 

"You're a natural." Trinity pressed a second kiss to the corner of Neo's mouth before passing the bong to someone else. 

It was cool, doing college stuff. Smoking weed with his girlfriend (?) and her friends, laughing while they argued about stuff he didn't understand. The kind of things his mom was always worried that he was doing, but that he had never really done before. 

At one point Trinity looked at the little one - Mouse - and she noticed something Neo didn't, because she asked him to step outside with Mouse. Neo obeyed without a second thought, though he blushed when one of the guys, Dozer he was pretty sure, made a joke about them getting sent to the kiddie table. 

Neo realized what was wrong once they were outside. Mouse wasn't looking at him, eyes darting around, shaking a little. Neo was familiar with the feeling. 

"It's loud in there, huh?" he sympathized. 

"Yeah." Mouse sat on the floor, leaning against the wall by the door of Trinity's apartment. Neo sat next to him. 

"I got the same problem. Too many people, too much noise - sometimes it's fine, but other times…"

"Makes you feel like clawing your skin off." Mouse laughed mirthlessly. "Bet that's why she sent us both."

Neo had to agree. Trinity was scarily observant. "She took me to a club. I thought I did a good job hiding it. Apparently I didn't."

Mouse peeked up at him. "What happened?" 

Neo laughed a little and glanced around, embarrassed. He leaned in, lowering his voice. "I ended up crying in the men's room."

Mouse broke into giggles, which made the embarrassment of the admission worth it. He reminded Neo too much of himself in high school. Made him feel almost brotherly. 

"So." Neo patted Mouse's knee. "Trinity told me you like computers?"


	4. Chapter 4

"If you have all this money, why do you still live in the dorms?"

It was an innocent question, but it made Neo's shoulders tense. "It's, uh, commission work. Not really a steady income stream."

Trinity hummed thoughtfully, looking him over. "So you don't normally do this kind of thing?"

"This?" Neo glanced around the restaurant. "Uh, no. I don't ever even leave my dorm unless I like - have to." That sounded way less pathetic in his head. 

"So, you wanted to take me somewhere nice for our third date?" Trinity smirked, and Neo remembered what she'd said. Calling him a third date kind of guy. 

"Um - were the first two dates? We weren't exactly alone."

"We're alone now." Trinity took his hand. Neo squeezed hers a little. "You look nice in a suit."

"Oh, uh, thanks." He laughed awkwardly. "I hate it," he admitted. 

Trinity arched an eyebrow, which sent Neo babbling. 

"I mean it's, they're, you know, just tight and stuff, and the collar bothers my neck, and I can't do the top button because I feel like I'm choking and-"

Mercifully, a waiter interrupted them. Neo made a fool of himself trying to pronounce one of the pretentious French wines on the menu, but Trinity rolled her eyes when the waiter corrected him, which made him feel better.

“You look better without a tie,” Trinity told him, tapping the second button of his shirt. 

“Yeah?” Neo smiled nervously. 

Trinity unbuttoned his second button. Neo swallowed hard. “I like it when guys show a little skin.” 

“We’re in  _ public, _ Trin.” He laughed a little. 

“No one is looking,” she promised him. “Besides, half the dudes in here have their shirts undone. It’s very European.”

Wanting to look more confident than he was, Neo undid another button on his shirt. He had to stop there, though, or he’d get indecent. “I’m not European. I’m Chinese.”

Trinity laughed, and Neo got the surge of bubbly confidence he always got on the rare occasion he made a joke that actually landed. She laid her hand over his on the table, and Neo turned his own hand palm-up, holding hands with her. 

“I don’t remember the last time I actually went on a date,” Neo admitted. 

“Really? Handsome guy like you?”

He shrugged, ducking his head. “Most girls aren’t too impressed with a computer sciences major who can’t make eye contact with people.”

Trinity lifted his hand, kissing his knuckles. “I’m not most girls.”

Neo smiled. “No. You really aren’t.”

Neo was a little tipsy still, the cool night air doing nothing to sober him up on the walk back to Trinity’s apartment. A few people gave them looks, but they must have looked like any other drunk young couple. Neo thought there was something nice about the anonymity of sticking out like that. 

Trinity was a good kisser, and it made Neo a lot less worried he was messing up somehow when she didn’t complain. He grunted a little when she pushed him back firmly, knees hitting her bed and slamming down into a seated position. 

“You’re taller than me.” Trinity kicked off her heels, and Neo took a moment to admire her legs. 

Then Trinity was kissing him again, unbuttoning his shirt and pushing it off his shoulders. He grabbed her waist, not really sure what to do but knowing he wanted to be touching her. 

“You’re pretty strong for a hermit computer programmer,” Trinity teased, running her hand along Neo’s abs. 

“So are you.” Neo kissed her bicep. Trinity wasn’t huge, but she was powerful in a way that made heat curl in Neo’s stomach. 

Trinity laughed at him. “I’m not a hermit.” She kissed him again, hands going for the zipper on his slacks. 

“Wait!” Neo pulled back, swallowing thickly. “I-I’m not…”

Trinity’s face turned sympathetic. “We don’t have to, Neo.”

“Cool.” Neo swallowed thickly. “Can I, uh, still stay?”

Trinity kissed the corner of his mouth, squeezing his hand. “Of course you can stay. Here, help me with my dress?”

Trinity turned around, and Neo unzipped her dress for her, taking in a sharp breath as Trinity stepped out of it, standing in her bra and panties. 

“Uh. You’re pretty,” he told her, feeling lame. 

Trinity laughed and unhooked her bra. Neo looked down at his lap respectfully, looking back up when she joined him in bed.

She’d wiped off her makeup, and instead of her usual tight, dark clothes she was in an old t-shirt and panties. It made Neo feel special, seeing her like this. 

“You should probably still take your pants off. If you’re spending the night.”

“Huh? Oh, yeah.” Neo stood up and yanked off his dress pants, feeling very undressed in his boxers and socks. He crossed his arms over himself self-consciously. 

“You’re cute.” Trinity kissed his cheek, planting a hand on his chest and pushing him onto his back. 

Neo laughed, smiling up at her. “You could have asked me to lay down.”

“I like how red you get when I push you.” Trinity laid her head on his chest, and Neo wrapped an arm around her, playing with her hair. 

“Whatever,” Neo grumbled without any real malice, kissing the top of her head. “Night, Trin.” 

She pressed a kiss to his collarbone, wrapping an arm around his waist. “Goodnight, Neo.”


End file.
